Awakening and Opening

Shedding

2005-08-01T18:35:00.000-05:00

There is in the body a current of energy, affection and intelligence, which guides, maintains and energizes the body and mind. Discover that current and stay with it. -- Nisargadatta Maharaj

For a number of years, one of my missions in life was caring for diabetic cats. First came my own Timmy, a big, loving orange tabby who became a brittle diabetic at age nine. After I lost him 3-1/2 years later, I realized how much caring for him had benefitted me. The bond one forms with a chronically ill animal is especially deep, as one is constantly monitoring him and sensing how he is feeling. I resolved to keep diabetic kitties in my life and adopted Bobby and Milo within the next few months (as well as my healthy Jenny).

Today I was especially remembering an incident in the early weeks with Bobby, another marvelous orange tabby. He came to me quite frail, down to 8 pounds from his prior 17, listless and dull-eyed. He perked up markedly after just a few days of getting insulin shots.

About ten days later, he started shedding copiously, big gobs of fur seeming just to gush from his skin. Worried, I took him to my good veterinarian. She brushed him down thoroughly, filling a gallon-size plastic bag to the brim with his fur.

We were talking as she brushed, and she explained to me what was occurring. Bobby's body had needed to put every bit of energy it had into coping with the diabetes. His coat was neglected and became coarse and dull. Now that the insulin was "kicking in", his body had the energy to develop a new coat of fur. When the brushing was all done, his new fur was soft and silky-smooth!

I am hoping for a similar outcome in my own life. Once the "disease" of my unworkable living environment is changed, I am hoping for the return of the "smooth" life of observing and paying attention, allowing my mind to continue freely on my journey.

Searching for Noodles

2005-07-27T17:30:00.000-05:00

Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life. - Eckhart Tolle

Despite my rather circumscribed life, I relish adding rich new experiences and small skills. An interest in Japanese cooking has long been lurking in the background of my cooking-mind. With the help of the local library and the Internet, I chose three simple recipes, all using the Japanese broth dashi. Miso Soup with Tofu, Cold Soba Noodles and Japanese Egg-Drop Soup would soon be a part of my repertory.

I consulted with a friend knowledgeable about Japanese food for the best local Asian Market. She immediately mentioned United Noodle in South Minneapolis. I was born and raised in South Minneapolis and, over-confident, did not research driving directions. I started out with my recipes and the happy anticipation of purchasing the unknowns of bunho (sheets of dried kelp), mirin (sweetened rice wine), dried bonita flakes, soba, (buckwheat noodles) and miso paste, as well as the more familiar tofu, snow peas and gingerroot.

I could not find United Noodle. It's in a semi-industrial area, crisscrossed by illogical main streets and a major highway. I felt confused and stressed, which I have learned is a signal to me that my endeavor will not succeed, and I need to just give it up for now.

Feeling very hungry, I came upon the Seward Cafe, one of the hangouts of my bohemian life of the 1970's. I was delighted to see the same organic/vegetarian menu and the same type of clientele, exuding the "question authority" attitude. It was a delight to see anti-war graffiti on the walls, yet with a core of sadness that the world hasn't learned its lessons yet.

I lunched marvelously on a falafel- and tabbouleh-filled warm pita, accented by hummus and some wonderful sauces for dipping, all to be scooped up with pita chips.

Tired, I headed for home and my sofa. I paused first to check online where exactly United Noodle is located. I never would have come across it without this explicit map and driving directions. Next time, I will be able to drive right to the "Noodle". Then, I believe I'll check out Seward Cafe's long-remembered Huevos Rancheros!

Hugging

2005-07-16T20:48:00.000-05:00

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." ~Joseph Campbell~

Patricia is proving to be a locator of resources for me. She has started the process of getting me into massage therapy at Courage Center. For the purpose of insurance approval, this will submitted as a method of pain control. In actuality, I am feeling a dearth of caring touch from another human being. I do get occasional hugs from friends and family. However, others are highly aware of the fragility of my bones, and the hugs are so light and fleeting as to leave my soul untouched.

I have lived alone for many years, but I am remembering now some occasions when touch and sleep have attached themselves to my emotional life.

I have a male cousin, a few years younger than myself, whose life was blighted early on by severe Type 1 diabetes, kidney failure and the need for dialysis. Whenever I went to visit the family, I would take special care to hug him thoroughly. One time he thanked me deeply for the hugs, saying that when you're always a patient, the hugs don't happen.

In my childhood, a beloved aunt would come to stay with us each winter for a few weeks. She would share my double bed, even though we were 60 years apart in age. Every night, we would lightly scratch each other's back and talk about so many things.

I was visiting a friend several years ago when I became very tired. I laid down for a nap on her sofa while she continued her sewing. It was such an unaccustomed, incredibly safe feeling to be falling asleep while she remained awake.

Somehow our modern, Western need for "personal space" is not natural. We are meant to live in groups, to give each other the nuturance of physical closeness. We are meant to sleep close together, for warmth, for protection from the dangers that exist outside of the light from the campfire.

At the least, I would wish for more hugs for those that need them.

Honoring Change

2005-07-13T21:30:00.000-05:00

The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature. -- Unknown

About six weeks ago, my Red Hat Society chapter visited the University of Minnesota Landscape Arboretum (Linked), a 1700-acre treasure of natual beauty located on the eastern fringe of the Twin Cities. The mission of the Arboretum is to educate, develop new plant varieties for Minnesota's extreme climate and to give enjoyment to the public. There is an excellent Visitors Center and lunchroom, as well as a motorized tram, the "Trumpet Creeper", that takes visitors on a guided tour of the grounds.

I realized that day that, although I had been there 15 to 20 times in my life, my visits were at random seasons of the year. With all the changes and transitions in my life at this time, I made the decision to vist there monthly. I wish to witness and honor the changes that occur throughout each month of the year. My good friend, G, wished to experience this as well, and she will be my companion and helper during these visits.

Today the two of us met for an excellent lunch, then boarded the tram for the tour. There were so many more flowers in bloom than in late May, with the emphasis this year on the primary colors, plus orange. The smoke bushes were crowned with the hazy soft orange aureoles of their blooms. Many trees have started to develop their distinctive fruits, and I especially noted the chestnuts, the eucalyptus and the apricot trees.

I chose to "tune out" the tour leader's spoken words and focus instead on the different visual sensations, holding an attitude of peace, attending to the changes and letting the impressions float past me.

In contrast to the current rampant societal proclivity to violate and "use up" our earth, the Arboretum preserves and conserves these treasures of trees, bushes and plants. Their plans for development and enhancement reach far into the future.

We returned to the Visitors Center and enjoyed a cafe mocha and delicious muffins.

It was a terribly hot day, with temperatures varying around the 90-degree mark, and I am feeling quite physically depleted tonight. My heart is filled, however. Our next visit will be in mid-August.

A Pure Space

2005-07-10T14:35:00.000-05:00

"The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself." --Anais Nin

I have had basically the same furniture for my entire 18 years in my home. While the pieces are comfortable and familiar, this place held a lot of painful emotions, anguish and tears in the past. I want to bring more peace and positive energy into my new personal sanctuary, with furniture spiritually clean and full of positive energy.

Therefore, I will be replacing my major pieces of furniture, and they will be of a smaller size. My new apartment will be 580 sq. ft., as opposed to my current 750 sq. ft. This will be entirely "do-able". Much of the difference is due to the much smaller kitchen space needed when in assisted living.

My long, long sofa and large chairs will be replaced by furniture more in tune with my 4', 7" height. My double bed will go, to be replaced with a youth-size bed. The large kitchen table will also go, as I'll only need a table for two.

But wonderful for me, I will be buying bookcases that will all match! My book-life has always been contained in various nicked and scratched, mis-matched bookcases. It was always a dream of mine to have a wall of books in magnificent matching cases lined up along a very long wall. After my downsizing, I will be able to do with four or five six-foot-tall bookcases. I may need to purchase them from Ikea, but they will all match!

The word has spread among my Jewish friends and acuquaintances here about my moving to Knollwood Place. One woman downstairs, Cindy, has been instructing me about the laws of Kasruth, or kosher cooking. It is really interesting, even though I will just be eating kosher, not cooking it. As it turns out, she will be a good resource if I should need to hire help in the run up to moving and later as I unpack. For several years she and a couple of friends had a small business called Rent-A-Yenta (I love the name!). She will be willing to help with whatever I need at an hourly rate.

I spend quite a bit of time lying on the sofa with my heated pillows, blanket and Jenny-Cat. I can be pain-free that way. It's also a place to just rest and connect with my body. Patricia used the term "sacred space" for my sofa. Somehow, naming it thus has made it more truly my place of peace and healing.

Personal Changes

2005-07-08T18:48:00.000-05:00

Home is oneness, home is my original nature. It is right here, simply in what is. There is nowhere else I have to go, and nothing else I have to become. Tony Parsons

I've been absent from here for so long! I believe I have gone through a period of doing my "work" with emotions and physical action rather than words. My physical condition has deteriorated significantly. There has been pain, both in body and mind, as well as goodbyes a-plenty.

A new plan has evolved with my move to Knollwood Place. I will be relocating as soon as an apartment becomes available, probably sometime between September and November. A handyman will then come in to do the necessary repairs and renovation here, and my condo will go on the market. This plan was developed by my nephew, the realtor, as a way to avoid my having to stumble through the work-in-progress that my place will be.

My "downsizing" is proceeding in earnest, and I am humbly accepting the help of some good friends. My participation in the process must be strictly limited to sorting through a few boxes while giving instructions of "keep" or "that goes". I sometimes feel a curious vulnerability when allowing these trusted folks into the dusty minutiae of my personal belongings.

I said goodbye to my beloved therapist when she retired on May 31st. Of course it was a wrenching experience. However, there is strong potential for a deep and satisfying relationship with my new therapist, Patricia. She is a Buddhist, and our work will be both therapy and spiritual teaching.

She has already connected me with a local practitioner who teaches the program outlined in Jon Kabat-Zinn's Full-Catastrophe Living (linked). It was featured in Bill Moyers' Healing and the Mind. It is designed to help one deal with stress and pain without medication. I am already enrolled in the eight-week program beginning in September.

I just continue to breathe in, breathe out, let go and accept.

Arghh!

2005-04-05T15:28:00.000-05:00

I've had a major catastrophe with a spyware/adware explosion..back when it's fixed

Potpourri

2005-03-28T19:13:00.000-06:00

"Our true home is in the present moment. To live in the present moment is a miracle. The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present moment, to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now. Peace is all around us - in the world and in nature - and within us - in our bodies and in our spirits. Once we learn to touch this peace, we will be healed and transformed. It is not a matter of faith; it is a matter of practice."--Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Zen Master

Easter dinner yesterday at my niece's home was a mixed-feeling kind of experience for me. My Brother No. 2 and I were the only ones there who are not religious fundamentalists and Republicans. On the good side, her husband, a successful realtor in Elk River, MN, will come here in the next couple of weeks to give advice on what renovation and redecorating I'll need to do to make my place more salable. He also will be handling the sale.

I was given the advice to not decide on Knollwood Place too quickly. Perhaps there are cheaper facilities out there? After further checking, it appears that Knollwood is probably the best place to go, especially seeing that I don't want to move to the inner city.

W, L and I had our meeting this morning. We reached agreement on most of the basics for organizing the Courage Center Red Hats. Posters are going up to announce our first meeting on Monday, April 11th, at 10:00 in the cafeteria. Since I will be the Queen Mother of the chapter, I will be filling out a CC Volunteer Application. They need to check public records on everyone who is volunteering in order to rule out those with criminal histories or sexual offenders. This is a good thing, as there are many vulnerable adults and children involved.

I did another tour of my complex today. I had been looking forward to a solitary stroll and sitting in the walker for a while, basking in the 65 degree sunshine. A neighbor appeared, however, and started walking with me. She and her husband have Down Syndrome but function at a pretty high level. They have their own condo here, and they do rather well, as long as they have assistance with bill-paying and business matters. I decided that being in the moment with this neighbor was more important than my initial wish for solitude. She is an active advocate for the mentally retarded, and I commended her for speaking out for her community. So few are able to do this.

SETI@Home

2005-03-26T18:52:00.000-06:00

"Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn't more complicated than that. It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it."--Sylvia Boorstein

Many people have heard of SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. Radio telescopes are systematically being pointed around the universe in an attempt to locate radio signals, and thus find other intelligent beings. SETI is organized out of the University of California at Berkeley.

What you may not know is that SETI relies on countless Internet-connected computers around the world for analysis of all the data collected by the radio telescopes. I participated in this for a while two years ago. The program is safe and runs in the background on your computer. No-one has experienced problems in all the years this system has been in operation. There is a bit of a competitive nature to the data analysis as well. People can form teams and earn "credits" for the number of analyses they complete.

On the chance that people might like further information, I have included the link to a fellow member of the Autumn Leaves Webring, Nilknarf. He tells how to start on your own or join a team. I have just joined his.

Being connected up with SETI again is a nice counterpoint to my blogging. A blog is a way to put bits of yourself into the indefinable ether to see if someone might be listening. SETI is making it more likely that Earth will hear if someone is calling out to us. And I can do my part.

It's A Good Friday

2005-03-25T18:44:00.000-06:00

Be interested in yourself beyond all experience, be with yourself, love yourself; the ultimate security is found only in self-knowledge. Be honest with yourself and nothing will betray you.
-- Nisargadatta Maharaj

This afternoon I grabbed my walker and did a tour of the condominium complex. We're starting a warming-up period here in Minneapolis, today being 42 degrees and sunny. It was a bit blustery, however, so I did not linger or stop to sit in the sun. Usually my body directs my gaze downward, but today I stopped to examine the trees for buds. Sure enough, the first tiny bud-bulges are everywhere. I smiled, glad to see proof that Nature goes on, despite the chaos human beings are causing in the world.

Inside again, I reflected on the awful, still-remembered, Good Friday experiences of my childhood. Raised in a fundamentalist Lutheran church, it was a given that one must attend a service from 12:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. Three hours in a darkened church hearing long dirge-like hymns interspersed with words of pain and agony.

I am glad to be the adult here and now, rather than the child there and then.

For too many years, well into adulthood, I lived in a world where every thought, feeling and behavior was instantly recognizable as "black" or "white". "Black" predominated.

In my current life of mindfulness and gratitude, almost everything is "gray". And Truth exists within myself, in the moment, an integral part of the Universe.

Moderating My Enthusiasm

2005-03-24T20:35:00.000-06:00

"Instead of frittering away your vibrancy with worry or distraction, realize your mind and body are inextricably united. What calms and tones up one, soothes and improves the other." --Marsha Sinetar

While I'm still very enthusiastic about Knollwood Place, my enthusiasm yesterday had me mentally hurrying myself to start living there as soon as possible. But there is a lot to do, and I don't want to stress myself too much. I will give myself the coming year to get ready.

I also realized I do not want to give up my car until there are physical reasons for me not to drive, not just financial ones.

So I will begin some lists of things to do, the order in which to do them, etc.

Right now I'm looking at the Knollwood Place menu to see what I could be choosing for dinner tonight:

March 24

Navy Bean Soup
Tossed Salad
Veal Roast
or Poached Salmon Fillets
Mashed Potatoes
Green Beans
Assorted Breads
Baked Apples
or Butterscotch Sundae

I THINK I can wait.

Good Changes Coming

2005-03-23T17:24:00.000-06:00

Your actions in life set your course and determine the destination of your travels. Your reactions in life create the climate in which you travel. -- Beth Joh

I met with the intake person at Knollwood Place this afternoon, accompanied by my brother and sister-in-law. I'll start by saying that this will be a wonderful place in which to live, and I am applying at this time.

The evening meals, as shown on this month's menu, compare well with good restaurant-quality fare. They are offered five days per week at $10 per meal. By registering (for a small fee) with the onsite health care office, a number of medical services are provided by nursing staff on site. I can hire cleaning help as needed. There will be no danger of my falling and lying on the floor for days, because of the "Okay Card" system.

And the amenities! A sunroom with vending machines and a convenience store, card room, computer room, common room with big-screen TV and a library, an auditorium, exercise room, barber and beauty shop, Post Office truck every week, many planned activities and informal groupings, as well as scheduled van transportation 3 times per week. There is a free continental breakfast five days per week with juices, hot and cold cereal, muffins, bagels and toast.

I looked at three of their units. I am going to take one of their smallest one-bedroom apartments, 580 square feet, at a cost of $1199 per month. This will slow down the depletion of my assets. It will be an entirely "livable" space for me, with a 12' x 18' living room and 10' x 13' bedroom. The kitchen is small, but I won't be doing a great deal of cooking. The bathroom is safety-enhanced. There is a good amount of closet space and cupboards in the kitchen.

When I move to Knollwood Place, I believe I will give up driving and sell my car. I will continue my outside activities via senior transportation or taxi. BUT I will be able to take Jenny-Cat with me, for a one-time charge of $350.

The majority of the residents are Jewish, and the diet is kosher. This will not present a problem to me, as I have always believed I was meant to be born Jewish. The brochure says "you'll have an excellent retirement home enhanced by Jewish traditions and culture". Another resident of Scandinavian background told me she is not treated as an outsider. As well, I am very verbal and pro-Israel, so I should do just fine.

The waiting list is 3 to 5 months. I first must do some redecorating, at which I am a novice. I will also get rid of more "things" that I do not need to accompany me.

Life Purpose

2005-03-21T18:30:00.000-06:00

Holiness comes wrapped in the ordinary. There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb. Life wants to lead you from crumbs to angels, but this can happen only if you are willing to unwrap the ordinary by staying with it long enough to harvest its treasure.
--Macrina Wiederkehr, O.S.B

I have been considering lately the purpose of my life. After some thought, I realize that I do not need one.

This is not saying my life is aimless. I have daily and intermediate goals and intentions, as well as a calendar book.

What I do mean is that it is okay for me just to be, to exist in this moment. It is enough to watch the sparrow in the tree outside my window and note the sun's passage across the sky. The sun, the sparrow, the tree and myself. We all hold chi, and none of us needs justification.

*********

At Seekers group today we learned that Red Hat Society has been approved by Courage Center. We will have a planning meeting this Thursday. Hopefully we can tease out a bit of a budget for our activities. We hope to have our first meeting in April.

Checking into Knollwood Place

2005-03-19T20:15:00.000-06:00

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.
-- Harrison Ford

I have decided to consider Knollwood Place (see link) as my future residence. It is about 1-1/2 miles from my current home. It is not a full assisted living facility, but the price is much more reasonable. I could purchase additional services, such as cleaning, as needed. I would have to keep using bits of my 401(k) capital, but at a much slower rate than the $6,000 per month cost of full assisted living.

D and D, my brother No. 2 and his wife, have encouraged me to pick a place for myself soon, so that when the time comes I'll live in a place that I myself have chosen. They will accompany me to an appointment at Knollwood Place this coming Wednesday afternoon.

I will be able to be content with a new living situation. Contentment comes not from the physical place of residence but from how one is living inside spiritually.

Here in Minnesota we typically have one of our worst snowstorms around the time of the vernal equinox. This year was no exception. I had to forego lunch with friends on Friday, and our Red Hat Society meeting, planned for today, has been postponed.

Kitchen tip: Pizza is much easier to cut if you: 1) Let the pizza sit for 1 minute after it comes out of the oven. This will "set" the cheese. 2) The easiest way to cut pizza is with a kitchen scissors.

Body and Soul

2005-03-17T21:39:00.000-06:00

Do not carry the burden of the past; do not live in the future. The only important thing is that one lives in the present authentically and fully.

Whatever your current life is, be the most you can be by living in the moment.
-- Chan Chih

I've just finished an impactful book, "Minding the Body: Women Writers on Body and Soul". It is a series of essays by published authors. Two main themes are addressed in the 18 essays. The first theme centers around life cycle changes and medical conditions that filter down into and change the female personality. The second is how life-affecting it can be to vary greatly from the "ideal female form" that is touted in American society today.

What is considered ideal is subject to change. Until about 1920, a thin woman wouldn't be an attractive marriage prospect. "Thin" meant difficulty bearing children and probably illness and early death.

And no matter what the ideal, the average dress size for a woman is 12.

Somehow, my mind has always considered physical appearance unimportant. What matters is the soul that looks out through the eyes. What is the emotional depth, openheartedness and honesty of people who cross my path? My focus on "who is living in this body?" has been a protection from those who might bring harm. It also has led me to many kindred spirits.

Author, Author

2005-03-12T13:15:00.000-06:00

"My heart is afraid it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."
--Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

This past week I received some totally unexpected, very good news. A couple of folks at Courage Center are planning to publish a book with the central theme of "disability and the soul". It is to be a compilation of pieces written by disabled people. They apparently came up with this idea after seeing some of my blog entries. I will be a contributor, although I don't yet know what this will entail. Perhaps I'll be asked to write on a certain theme.

The book is in the early planning stages yet. If it goes through to publication, I will have the great pleasure of seeing my work not only in the virtual world, but in print and being commercially sold.

In case folks are wondering if I will receive any monetary gains from this, the answer is no. I'll be doing this as volunteer work, with profits from the book going to Courage Center. I am just happy to be able to contribute.

Accepting Impermanence

2005-03-10T21:30:00.000-06:00

Birth will end in death
Youth will end in old age
Wealth will end in loss
Meeting will end in separation
All things in cyclic existence
Are transient and impermanent
-- Unknown

I have been absent from blogging recently while I dealt with a difficult personal separation, set to occur at the end of May. C, my therapist of four years, will be retiring. I initially started seeing her for depression. She helped me to come to terms with, then be at peace with, a lot of old hurt and pain and new medical issues. In addition, she pointed me toward clinics and other resources that have greatly enriched my life. Most important, I started on the path of mindfulness and meditation.

Ah, but impermanence!

I have been in some rebellion lately, and there were health consequences. Emotional distress and not staying in the moment led to a definite slippage in my self-cares (and blogging IS a form of self-care for me!) Now I have been dealing with some hard issues with C, expressing anger that she is leaving me. Anger has always been the hardest emotion for me. And somehow the reality of the impermanence of all relationships is percolating further down into my soul. I am finding some level of acceptance at a more than shallow level. My blogging entries, therefore, should appear more consistently.

I will be continuing on with therapy, for both reviewing and processing my life, as well as to allow further emotional and spiritual growth. W is the facilitator of the Seekers group at Courage Center. I asked her if she knew of a psychotherapist at CC that would be preferable for me. In just a few seconds, her eyes lit up. She knew of a good match for me, because of my emphasis on mindfulness. She promised to see if that therapist had room in her schedule.

The therapist she recommended, P, does have available time and also thinks we'd be a good match. Between now and the end of May, I'll be having an intake evaluation, a joint meeting of C, P and myself, and a couple of sessions with P while I'm still seeing C weekly.

I think this planned transition will be of great value. I am realizing that my medical fragility makes my emotional "safety zone" quite narrow, and that zone must be guarded. Separation, I know, can be a time of much growth, as well as stress. I want to soften the turns in my path to allow a safe journey.

Red Hats at Courage Center

2005-02-21T14:46:00.000-06:00

It takes fierceness to grow old well. It takes a fierce devotion to the word good-bye -- learning how to say it in many ways -- fiercely, yes, but also gently, with laughter, with tears, but, no matter how, to say it every time so that there's no doubt you mean it.
--Michael Ventura, "Across the Great Divide"; Psychotherapy Networker, Jan/Feb 2005

My Seekers Group met at Courage Center this morning. (Courage Center is known around the world for its innovative treatments for the physically disabled. See link.) Thoughts about starting a Red Hat Society chapter at Courage Center have been rattling around in my head. I had felt it would not be a "real" RHS group, as so much of the fun involved is "strutting our stuff" very publicly, showing our pride in our mature status. So many of the members would be wheelchair-bound or have other mobility issues that strutting about would be decidedly difficult.

However, I decided to bring up the idea, and it was met with great enthusiasm. The four over-50 female types in the group, including the facilitator, pounced on this idea as wonderful and long overdue! Although approval must be given by the Courage powers-that-be, we started making some tentative plans. We will do our meetings at Courage Center, which has all kinds of facilities for eating, arts and crafts, visiting, outside activities, etc. W, the facilitator, asked if staff and volunteers at CC could belong. Of course, they can! Perhaps our need to strut about could be met by parading through the facility a bit at each meeting, whether walking or wheeling.

I feel a group that is totally social would be a good addition to the other therapy modalities there. So often disabled women are limited socially as well as physically.

Plans are still very fluid, but I feel in my bones that Red Hatters will rule at Courage Center, as they do everywhere else!

Blessed Routines

2005-02-20T15:10:00.000-06:00

A human being is a part of the whole that we call the universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest -- a kind of optical illusion of his consciousness. This illusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for only the few people nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living beings and all of nature.
--Albert Einstein

I have worked out some routines for different activities in my daily life. They are thoroughly thought out and take into consideration safety, efficiency and production of the desired results. I have a certain way of making breakfast (currently toad-in-the hole is my favorite), of showering using a shower stool, and getting into and out of my car.

Somehow the fact that these routines were mindfully developed, and that I remain mindful in living the routines, gives a blessing to my spirit and respect to the Universe. It is hard to explain, but it's so very true for me.

M showed up on Friday morning and vacuumed my place. He said he would be back on Saturday to do more, but he did not appear. I have chosen to accept his non-appearances with equanimity. I'll be grateful and happy to see him when he comes, but I will not be upset when he doesn't. That way, each time with him will be pleasurable, rather than being contaminated by my own unhappy, "expecting" thoughts.

The vacuuming was definitely needed, and my carpet looks MUCH better. If you combine a long-haired, mostly white cat who objects to being brushed with a blue carpet.....well, you get the picture.

Today I begin working on my grocery list, which I will call in to Store to Door on Tuesday. It's a more complicated process for me than most folks. I'll write more about it another time.

Pleasures

2005-02-17T20:45:00.000-06:00

Whatever may be the situation, if it is acceptable, it is pleasant. If it is not acceptable, it is painful. What makes it acceptable is not important; the cause may be physical, or psychological, or untraceable; acceptance is the decisive factor. Obversely, suffering is due to non-acceptance. Why [shouldn't pain be acceptable]? Did you ever try? Do try and you will find in pain a joy which pleasure cannot yield, for the simple reason that acceptance of pain takes you much deeper than pleasure does -- Unknown

I am really pleased about a new kitchen gadget which arrived in the mail yesterday. It is a device that will let you know precisely when eggs are soft-boiled, medium-boiled and hard-boiled. It is bright red, oval in shape, and has a flat bottom. You place it in the pan when you put the eggs on to boil, and different-looking images of an egg appear as they reach each stage of hardness. According to the package, the sensor detects temperature, and it thus adjusts automatically for number of eggs, amount of water and even altitude! My brother, the physicist, described to me the process used to measure temperature precisely. It's basically the same method as is used in thermostats.

Its arrival now is particularly welcome. The companionable commenters at John Bailey's blog, Journal of a Writing Man, directed me recently to a "conversion chart" of British and American terms (link below). Described on this site was the practice of dipping toast strips into soft-boiled eggs. My new timer delivered perfectly-boiled soft eggs, and the toast fingers provided the ideal way to eat them.

I had two very welcome visitors tonight. My Ethiopian friend M had volunteered earlier to do my house-cleaning for me (and for free). He came one time and did a marvelous job, but then I heard nothing further from him. I assumed that he had, out of the goodness of his heart, promised more than he could practically do.

Tonight he came to my door with his young cousin. M was carrying a gift bag, which contained a stunning, hand-made, white robe from Ethiopa. It is hand-embroidered in brilliant colors and intricate patterns. The two men sat down to visit a bit. M at one point asked if white people appreciate such clothing. I simply said, "Beauty has no color and no culture, and this is beautiful".

He again promised to do my regular cleaning, saying he and his cousin will come on Saturday. This poses a dilemma, as the monthly Red Hat Society meeting is on Saturday. Ah well, free cleaning help takes precedence over an afternoon of fun!

Watching

2005-02-14T11:33:00.000-06:00

Be thankful for each and every morning.Enjoy life and worry not about things that wouldn't matter in 10 years anyway. --Unknown

My niece M makes wonderful flannel pillows with rice sewn inside. When heated a bit in the microwave, they become a wonderful pain reliever for sore spots on the body. They are also simply a comfort for the soul. She has given me one for each of the last two years at Christmas.

This morning I was lying snug on the sofa with one pillow tucked against my tummy and the other between my knees.

Overnight some wet, heavy snow had fallen. Since the temperature this morning was 39 F., the snow was melting and falling in gobbets from the limbs of the maple tree outside my window.

Jenny was on the top of her five-foot cat tower, paws tucked in and tail curled round, watching the clumps of snow as they fell.

I was watching Jenny, watching the snow.

Before long, she realized that the heated pillow was out and available. She came to join me, stretching out with her back against my tummy-pillow. For both of us, a snooze was in order.

Wishing a happy St. Valentine's Day to all, and most especially to those who have no-one to say it to them in person.

Emerging A Little

2005-02-13T15:42:00.000-06:00

Be contented with what you possess in life; be thankful for what does not belong to you, for it is so much care the less; but try to obtain what you need in life, and make the best of every moment of your life.
--Hazrat Inayat Khan Gayan

The latest CDC flu map still shows Minnesota in the red zone: in fact, the red area in the Upper Midwest is expanding. However, I will start being about my business in the outside world a little more. I am beginning to suffer some sideffects of social isolation, namely brooding about inconsequential matters and fatigue from lack of exercise.

One of my first jaunts will be to a store that sells used computers. A bit of a story lies behind my purchase of a second computer. My original computer, purchased in 1996, ran Windows 95, and it was a sad little machine by today's standards. I discovered I really liked some of the PC games that were popular then. They were much easier to play than the current monstrosities, which require you to be a 12-year-old male, in my thinking.

Each time I updated my system through the years, more and more of my old games wouldn't run. The collection of compact disks mouldering in a cardboard box kept getting larger. I had visions of partitioning my hard drive with a place for Windows 95. Much easier, however, is to purchase a second, older computer with Windows 95. I have one waiting for me, a Pentium II, with 1.6 gigabyte hard drive, and with a 17" monitor, at a total cost of only $136. My old games can then be played again in all their original glory.

Radical acceptance is a continuous necessity for me. I thought of this yesterday, when three simple errands took over twice the time they would have done a few years ago. Getting into and out of my car takes time and the use of my own little "system". Instead of appreciating my surroundings as I used to, my mind must stay focused on the ground before me and the safety of my next step. But I accept this slowness. I accept my unsteady walk. Each second, letting go, I accept. Say goodbye to what was, so I can welcome what is.

Royals

2005-02-10T23:48:00.000-06:00

You cannot find peace
by avoiding life.
-- Virginia Wolf

The British Monarchy has been of interest to me since childhood. Reading biographies, examining genealogy charts, comparing reigns and royal personages; all these have provided many happy, engrossing hours. I have limited my purview to the period since the birth of Queen Victoria, as otherwise there is just too much to read . There are so many other fascinating subjects that command my attention.

My "favorite" royal was Queen Mary, who lived from 1867 to 1953, and was the grandmother of the current Queen. She had a phenomenal sense of duty and loved and supported King George V without wavering. Her main failing, perhaps, was that of being a stiff and unbending mother.

I am a traditional monarchist, placing great value on royal actions that are in line with history and monarchical precedence. I was thus very pleased with the manner in which the marriage of the Prince of Wales to Camilla Parker Bowles will be arranged. It is a luscious compromise.

When Charles married Diana, he had to wed a proven virgin, to guarantee the royal bloodline. Now his heirs are grown, their health good. One can almost be positive that Camilla, at 57, is beyond any possible chance of childbearing. (I would even wager that her being in a post-menopausal state was a necessary precondition to their marriage.) There will be no Constitutional snarl on matters of bloodline. Divorced, she of course cannot be Queen, but HRH the Duchess of Cornwall and Princess Consort are a noble titles.

I also take a longer, historical view of this whole business of royal mistresses. Camilla's great-great-grandmother, Alice Keppel, was the favorite mistress of Edward VII, Charles' great-great-grandfather. When Edward VII was on his deathbed, his Consort, Queen Alexandra, graciously invited Mrs. Keppel to his bedside.

To this Yankee onlooker, this solution to the problem of Charles and Camilla seems snug, cozy and just so historically right.

Mostly Horizontal

2005-02-09T13:40:00.000-06:00

Sitting silently
Doing nothing
Spring comes
And the grass grows by itself.

-- Basho

I've had a bit more pain the last few days. I have stayed horizontal much of the time, engaging in the (mostly) pleasurable mental activities of reflecting, remembering and resting. This, of course, pleases Jenny-Cat no end, as I am her favorite warm pillow. Stretching and yawning, she finds a different position on me, then curls up for more sleep.

I'll write again when sitting at the computer is a tad easier.

My Town

2005-02-06T19:30:00.000-06:00

If God meant we shouldn't need each other, he would have put each person on a separate planet. -- An elderly Jewish neighbor of mine

From an idea from Dancing in the Divine, linked at right, I am writing today about the town in which I live. St. Louis Park, Minnesota, is an inner-ring suburb with Minneapolis as it's eastern border. Approximately 44,000 people live in its 10.8 square miles. It has 51 parks and many small lakes and ponds. The suburbs are interconnected with each other and with Minneapolis and St. Paul for shopping and socializing. The entire Twin Cities metropolitan region consists of 7 counties, with the 2000 census showing a population of around 2,650,000 people, 54% of the population of the State of Minnesota. The Twin Cities seem to slurp up young people "just starting out" from the farms and small towns of the Dakotas and Iowa. The same effect is seen for cultural, educational and sports activities. This state is quite consistent in being politically, socially and religiously liberal. In St. Louis Park, 64% of people own their homes rather than rent, and one in ten households consists of a woman living alone.

Until 1987, I had lived my entire life in the City of Minneapolis as a renter. When I decided to buy myself a home, I chose a condominium to avoid outdoor maintenance. St. Louis Park was an ideal choice. Crime rates are quite low, and all the cultural amenities are near at hand. I live rather in the middle of a square made by four major highways and freeways, so transportation is very "doable". Being an inner-ring suburb, one still has the feeling of being right in the city. I am such an urban-type person that too much open space and sky can make me feel slightly disoriented. There are numerous social assistance programs. Basically, if there is a conceivable human need, there is a program with eager volunteers to address it. I have included a link below to programs in St. Louis Park. Other needs are met on a more metro-wide basis.

One of the things that is especially important here is "Minnesota nice". We are pleasant to each other, meet strangers' eyes in a friendly way, are honest in business and will generally help those we meet, even if not asked. I believe this stems from the fact that, due to the sometimes horrible weather, we NEED each other. Not many years ago, any stranger might knock on your door during a blizzard, seeking some warmth or a phone to use. A friend of mine, a Sikh from India, said that Minnesotans are the most accepting of them as immigrants than anywhere else in the country. We tend to avoid "labels".

We Twin Citians scoff at other US metropolitan areas that are totally brought to a standstill by an inch of snow or a bare scraping of ice. It is considered bad form here even to be late for work unless the snow exceeds four inches.

Here's an "only in Minnesota" story. A few days ago, during the warm weather spell, a good friend was walking around Lake Harriet in Minneapolis. People were fishing through the ice, while joggers ran around the lake in shorts.

I had intended here to write exclusively about my own suburb. I realized, however, that a major metropolitan region is hard to define by a small, artificially-defined part of it. Suffice it to say, where I actually live, and the entire metro area, is a good place to be.

Tooling About

2005-02-05T18:10:00.000-06:00

Today I want to write about my wonderful little green walker.

I have a Piper Mini Deluxe walker, made by the Evolution Company out of Canada. (The link will show you a picture.) This model is for individuals from 4'7 to 5',0", and under 200 lbs. in weight. It's constructed of tubular, super-strong aluminum and weighs only 13 lbs. It has four 8-inch wheels, excellent for jaunts out in the world, but designed to leave no marks on tile or linoleum. The seat, made of high-impact plastic, contains a handle. Using only one hand, I can pick up the walker, partially collapse it in the process, then insert it in the backseat area of my car.

Another feature of the walker is a hooked-on basket for carrying small purchases. There is also a zippered vinyl bag with handles. This can snap into the basket to keep items rain-free (or concealed!). The bag can also be put over the handles and carried somewhat the way one carries a backpack on one's shoulders. Also included is a tray, which can be used for collecting food in institutional dining cafeterias. It has hand brakes, which are essential for safety. They can be pre-adjusted with a "speed limit", in the event someone is concerned that the elder in their care may go too fast. There is a soft semi-flexible strap that acts as a backrest when sitting. As one small, final fillip, there is a cupholder attachment for toting your beverage of choice.

Possessing this is such a blessing for me. It provides better balance and less stress on the heel of my hand than the cane. Psychologically, it gives me a nice safety zone where I am more protected from injury. Best of all, when I get tired or sore, I just put on the brakes, turn around, and sit down.

When I was shopping for this walker, I justified getting "the best" I could by the fact that I was only 56 years old. Getting one at that early age, I DESERVED the best, darn it! I had my choice of colors; fire engine red, forest green, and navy blue. I thought forest green was pretty and not too loud. The next one I get, after further personal shrinkage, will definitely be fire engine red.

Respite of warmth

2005-02-04T18:55:00.000-06:00

What is it in this teaching we call "Sitting in meditation?"In this teaching, "sitting" means without obstruction anywhere.Outwardly and under all circumtances, not to activate thoughts."Meditation" is internally to see the original nature and not become confused. --Huineng

I will continue in flu-avoidance mode for yet another week. The CDC weekly map, linked below, shows Minnesota still in the red, "widespread" infection status. The red area has expanded even farther with this new report, now including Iowa and North Dakota.

However, it has been very warm for this time of the year, approaching 50 deg. F the last couple of days. Feeling a little cooped up with the thought of another week spent mostly inside, I left the building, retrieved my walker from the garage and took off to do a little walking around outside in my complex. The sun had melted the snow and ice from the dark surface of the parking areas, so walking was safe. I found a nice spot, sheltered from passing cars, and sat in my walker a while to bask. Content and hopeful, I later came inside, knowing winter is a temporary annoyance, even here in Minnesota.

I know my current solitude would be much more difficult without my daily sitting. When I get back to wholeness and serenity inside, I can just be here as I am.

I know that I have always been unusually content to be by myself. I am quite introverted, and what is occurring in my brain is sufficiently interesting to continue without much input from others. I am lonely very rarely. Loneliness arises, I feel, when one feels that there is no-one "out there". I always feel like friends, my brother and neighbors are accessible.

I ate another little breakfast today that was full of nostalgia: toad in the hole.

The Caring Bridge

2005-02-01T17:34:00.000-06:00

Without setting foot outside your door, you can know everything under heaven.

Without looking out the window, you can grasp how Nature works.

The farther one goes,the less one knows.

Thus the sage knows without stirring, recognizes without seeing, accomplishes without making any particular effort. -- Daodejing Chapter 47 (translation by Via Negativa, linked on right)

CaringBridge is a wonderful online resource. Websites are set up for people (usually children) who are suffering from life-threatening or terminal conditions. The parents use the sites to update family and other people on the patients' conditions, ask for prayers and share photos. A wonderful part of CaringBridge is that the prayers, emotional support and guestbook entries of strangers are always welcomed.

Caring for others has always been a prime value in my life. My "kids" at CaringBridge enable me to do this from my home. There are too, too many children and adults struggling just now.

One of the most special CB Kids was Amy Mareck. She fought osteosarcoma with all her might for over five years. And she lived her life to the max! Amy was from rural Minnesota, about 85 miles from here. Amy passed away on November 29, 2004, and even though I had never met her, I wanted to share in her funeral tribute. I was treated royally and received SO many hugs. Amy's sister said my presence gave a "face" to all the strangers that were on Amy's team.

I also got the opportunity to meet a few of the CB kids I've been supporting. Laura came over to hug me, tall, slender and beautiful, limping a bit because of her artificial leg. I sat at the dinner with Davis and his mom. Davis had just finished his last round of chemo. It's a really neat 13-year-old young man who'll give a hug to a strange woman my age. The dear Chepokas family was there, still missing their son, Mitch, so much.

My heart was full. I had spent my day on the other side of the Bridge of Caring. I came away with enough blessings to keep me active in CaringBridge for years to come.

A link to Amy's CaringBridge site is below.

Hibernating

2005-02-01T17:23:00.000-06:00

The eyes are given to see;the soul to see further. -- Inayat Khan

I ventured out into the world today to have my therapy appointment. Wearing mask, not touching eyes, nose or mouth, washing hands -- all these have become almost second nature. I have been wondering if I am being a bit paranoid about all this. My therapist assured me that, with my fragile health, I'm just being wise.

Back home again, safely tucked into my box of flu-free air, I've been considering some new, simple food ideas to try. A few days ago, Daily Om (link below) extolled the virtues of kale as a excellent source of calcium, vitamins and minerals. I'll find a recipe to make a simple side dish with it. This evening I am making the Cheese-Garlic Biscuits from the recipe on the Bisquick box. They are almost as good as Red Lobster's, if one adds additional garlic.

I've developed a really yummy breakfast treat. You take a small whole wheat tortilla, spread a little Cheese Whiz down the center, top with a scrambled egg (done in the microwave first), then finish with a strip of my "frozen" bacon. Wrap the tortilla up over the fillings, and nuke to warm. Then just enjoy! Jenny must join me, as is usual, sharing a bit of egg with cheese sauce.

I'm also joining some e-mail campaigns to protest the government's lunacy. I don't consider it "my" government any more. Too many violations of our long-held national ideals and belief in the rule of law have occurred. I do support our troops. I support their right to be home in America leading their normal lives rather than fighting in a war that's totally wrong. Paraphrasing what I've read elsewhere, wrapping the American Flag around the Cross is no justification for the illegal acts the government is committing. In the 1960's I was protesting with the best of them for the end of the war in Vietnam. Doing e-mails isn't as exciting, but at least it's a lot safer.

Wild Geese

2005-01-31T13:30:00.000-06:00

STOICISM (tolerance)
Give me the insight to know that pain is only part of the whole, not the whole.
Let me live with the awareness of the warmth from the sun gives ease and energy even when my senses are clouded and my mind stormy.
Help me understand that a life lived in the moment enables both joy and sorrow to be fully experienced but not engulf me in either constant euphoria or depression.
I alone live my life, I alone experience what that is truly like, I alone interpret and understand the meaning of its rhythms, I alone have the choice.
The choice to rejoice, the choice to live, the choice to embrace the good and bad with equal acceptance and positive interpretation, neither denied nor given precedence one over the other.
-- With permission of Stepping Stones, linked at right

Instead of a regular blog entry today, I would like to share a poem that has been a beacon of light in my emotional landscape for a number of years.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

- Mary Oliver

Weapons of the Spirit

2005-01-30T13:37:00.000-06:00

"Thus we see that the all-important thing is not killing or giving life, drinking or not drinking, living in the town or the country, being lucky or unlucky, winning or losing. It is how we win, how we lose, how we live or die; finally, how we choose. We walk, and our religion is shown (even to the dullest and most insensitive person), in how we walk. Living in this world means choosing, and the way we choose to walk is infallibly and perfectly expressed in the walk itself." R. H. Blyth

This is a time for remembrance of the end of the Holocaust 60 years ago.

As an adolescent, I was rather obsessed with trying to understand the horror of what had happened just years before my birth. Through reading Chaim Potok's The Chosen, this Lutheran girl half-believed she had been meant to be born an Orthodox Jewish boy and study Torah. Why had the Holocaust happened to "my" people? I read histories of Nazi Germany, biographies of Hitler, etc., etc. Of course, there were no answers. It was simply a visitation of Evil.

There were other moral choices available to citizens across Europe, and many individuals hid and cared for Jews in their midst. I discovered the most shining example some years ago through a Bill Moyers program, Weapons of the Spirit. A group of French Huguenots, poor farmers and townspeople, lived in the Le Chambon area of Vichy France. During the war, 5000 Frenchmen sheltered 5000 Jews, sharing their own meager food and small homes with them.

The Huguenots had been persecuted throughout the centuries. Their Christian philosophy was simple: Love God; love your fellow man; help those in need. In the towns and farmhouses, they just lived their faith. Though the German military surrounded them, and perhaps thought "something" was going on, no-one spoke and they were not betrayed. A couple of Frenchmen were caught and sent to prison, but the rest just continued on sheltering Jews.

After the war ended, the Jews left Le Chambon, and the Huguenots continued their simple lives. They did not consider their sheltering of Jews an extraordinary act, and they did not talk about it. They had simply, in their minds, done what their faith had asked of them.

Bill Moyers and the producer of Weapons of the Spirit, Pierre Sauvage, speculated on the reasons this event in history is not widely known. One reason is that the story is not about battles and military victory, but moral and spiritual action. Another is that it was usually the woman of the house who responded to the knock on the door and made the decision to welcome in Jews.

The shelterers lived by simple, "old-fashioned" morals. I will commemorate the Holocaust this year by preparing my spirit to answer a knock at the door, lighting a candle in the window at dusk.

There is an excellent book on Le Chambon, Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed, by Philip Hallie.

Red Hat Together-Time

2005-01-29T16:37:00.000-06:00

A lifetime may not be long enough to attune ourselves fully to the harmony of the universe. But just to become aware that we can resonate with it -- that alone can be like waking up from a dream. --David Steindl-Rast

Since my flu-avoidance is keeping me inside for now, I am remembering some pleasurable times that occurred during my two-month blog hiatus.

Our January Red Hat Society outing was to go to Mystic Lake Casino and have the buffet dinner. Upon our entrance, the casino staff starting clapping and cheering. There were a number of events that day to collect in my "cozy-memories basket".

We have one member who is quite financially strapped just now. As she was about to pay for the buffet, a hefty $17 or so, a man stopped her. He possessed a comp-card, or something like that, and he simply said, "Your meal is on me!" She was the one person among us who really needed that kindness, and it thrilled her.

As I went back and forth from the buffet tables, two 40-ish couples at the next table kept smiling at me. (Let's face it, being 4'7", using a classy little green walker, and wearing a big, flamboyant Carol Channing-type hat with red feathers all over it tends to bring smiles from strangers.) They asked what the red hats were all about, and I had the standard Red Hat Society conversation. As I started to leave them, one man stretched out his hand and declared, "You are simply adorable! I'm going to marry you!" We bantered for a while, laughed, and parted with an agreement to meet at the back of the casino in two hours to get married. All of this was overheard by the others in my group. His last name was Gallagher, and all afternoon women were joking, calling me Mrs. Gallagher, etc. It was fun, even though I want NO men in my life in a romantic way.

My friend J, who had weight-reduction stomach surgery in December, had a great variety of items in tablespoon-sized portions. I was so happy that she had some relief from the boring sameness of her food. She'd had some low emotional points prior to that day. At the buffet she stayed low-fat and low-calorie, but she enjoyed! I think she turned a corner that day.

After eating and visiting, some gals went to gamble a little. The rest of us grouped together for more emotional battery-charging conversation.

I know that reviewing happy memories is a good way to give oneself comfort and cheer. Writing this entry did just that!

Smugly Smiling

2005-01-27T18:43:00.000-06:00

"One of the blessings of age is to learn not to part on a note of sharpness,to treasure the moments spent with those we love,and to make them whenever possible good to remember, for time is short." ~Eleanor Roosevelt~

John at Journal of a Writing Man got me enthused over the possibilities of an RSS feed for my blog. I began understanding it only as a means to increase one's blog traffic and audience. I reasearched a little at blogger.com. The FeedBurner program seemed most appropriate. It only involved insertion of some html code in the proper spot in the template.

Now, I am not very well-versed in computer technology, and my first computer was Windows 95. When I began blogging, typing in links and changing my template page was definitely scary. I'm feeling smug and happy that I can do such things now without a hint of panic.

It is well that I have a new blogging "toy" with which to play. There is widespread flu now in Minnesota. The flu shots do not seem to be protecting vulnerable people very well. My brother and a good friend, who both got shots, are now sick with either a bad viral bug or actual influenza. From prior personal experience, a bad case of this would likely mean an inpatient stay. For the next week or so I intend to minimize actual contact with other humans and keep my personal geography more virtual than physical.

Writing A Tribute

2005-01-27T10:57:00.000-06:00

Hatred ever kills, love never dies. Such is the vast difference between the two. What is obtained by love is retained for all time. What is obtained by hatred proves a burden in reality for it increases hatred. Mahatma Gandhi

I spent several hours yesterday reflecting and writing about a very special woman. Miss Lorine Grosz was my English teacher and advisor in high school. She gave of herself to me in many ways. I will not go into great detail, because in truth it would sound like boasting.

She has been gone for many years, and it took me many years to realize the fullness of what she had done for me. In the reflecting and the writing, however, I felt that I had created a tribute to her that went out of myself into some universal knowledge. Out there, somewhere, Ms. Grosz knows I am grateful.

Two-Month Hiatus

2005-01-26T13:49:00.000-06:00

Enlightenment is a rare combination of innocence and intelligence, having words for expression and, at the same time, being very silent. In that state, the mind is fully in the present moment. Whatever is necessary is revealed to you in such a natural and spontaneous way, you just sit and the song of the nature flows through you. - Sri Sri Ravishankar

I have been absent from the blogging world for a couple of months. I think this stemmed, in part, from a post-election mental fug. Now I am emerging to search for more ways to take my progressive position out into the fray.

The realities of living with dwindling abilities came upon me again with the arrival of snow and ice in the Twin Cities. Much more than last year, I am afraid of falling. This greater trepidation arises, I know, from actually seeing an x-ray of my spine last June. Normal bones show quite white on the black film, but mine are pretty shadowy from osteoporosis.

It has become impossible for me to cart up groceries and other needed goods, and cleaning is too hard on me.

I realized I needed to look at leaving my condo-home of 18 years and going to assisted living. I was able to use radical acceptance to rapidly achieve peace about this. However, the cost would mean that my own financial resources would be gone much too fast. I would rather enjoy my own income a while longer.

Therefore, I will purchase the services I actually need at this time, cleaning help and a grocery-shopping service, along with Meals on Wheels.

For times when I do need to venture out in ice and snow, I mentally designed a personal sand-shaker. My brother is fabricating it. We'll take a one-pound coffee can and punch a few holes in the bottom. When not in use, the holes will be covered with plastic lids on both ends. When I approach treacherous ground, I can simply remove the bottom lid, shake sand as needed and then proceed safely.

A Food Delight from Childhood

Today I revisited a fondly-remembered taste of childhood: eggs fried in bacon grease. (Let the health-conscious types restrain their gasps!). They were simply wonderful!

I regularly purchase a pound of bacon and fry it up at one go, draining it carefully. I store the strips in the freezer for use as needed with a grilled cheese sandwich or to garnish a salad. The last three bacon-preparation times have found me saving a bit of the grease to fry two eggs. My cholesterol level is very good, by the way. Lipitor has brought it down from the 300-plus range to a nice, healthy 166, with 2/3 of the count being "good" cholesterol. I will continue to scorn guilt and enjoy this simple pleasure periodically.

A Happy Day

2004-11-11T20:42:00.000-06:00

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
--By Paulo Coelho

Although I had repercussions in my lower back today from too much decluttering yesterday, I went back to my old office for the craft and bake sale. I purchased a couple of very useful items, and I ordered two pieces of durable medical equipment which will make my life a bit easier.

What made this a happy day, though, was the way my former co-employees greeted me. As always, their faces literally lit up, and I received and gave many hugs. My life is generally in a state of hug-famine, so I enjoyed this "feast". My company was always my family, and it still is. I remember that when I retired, someone said I was the "heart and soul" of the place.

I was also able to lend my good friend J a copy of The Women's Comfort Book. She is having major surgery for weight reduction soon. This book gives all sorts of ideas for nurturing oneself and ways to find comfort.

I am still working on doing the final decluttering preparatory to this weekend's cleaning marathon. I work in very short spurts, then return to my heated pillow.

Helping Neighbors

2004-11-09T21:21:00.000-06:00

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." --Anaïs Nin

I made a new friend in the summer of 2002. At that time I was taking numerous walks around the outside of my complex. A neighbor from down the hall started slowing his steps to accompany me. M and his wife were recent immigrants from Ethiopia, Coptic Christians from Addis Ababa. During our third or fourth walk I asked him if he was happy here in America, or if he would rather be back home. M said he was too old at 44 to learn a new culture. "America is good, but it is not my home."

I told him about my immigrant Danish grandparents (paternal side) who had much the same feelings. They came here in 1908 and never could afford to return. He was so grateful that someone understood the sadness.

I have enjoyed Ethiopian food at their home. They have marveled that I like spicy food, but cannot quite fathom my difficulty in eating from the huge bread circles piled with meats and sauces.

I helped his brother and family when they also immigrated. I took them around to various government offices and tried to assist with language difficulties. One of my "great moments" was taking them to their first McDonald's and the joy of a six-year-old girl who discovered the delight of drinking through a plastic straw. She hugged me hugely when I liberated about 20 of them for her.

I have gladly helped M and A in writing business letters, making business calls, etc. They each hold down two jobs, supporting 14 family members back home.

These two very special and kind friends are giving so much more back to me this coming weekend. They have volunteered to clean my whole apartment for me. My place has suffered from CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) for several years. The mess was based on depression and increasing disability, complicated by a mostly-white, long-haired cat living on a blue carpet. Following that, one of their countrywomen will be here a couple of times a month.

Pain Control

2004-11-08T13:52:00.000-06:00

"Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong."--Lao-Tzu

It is time to return to a peaceful orientation of blog and mind. I will be an activist in my own way and try to return some positive energy into this hypernegative world.

I have had a very accepting attitude toward the pain in my upper back. It has just been "there". I try not to aggravate it by unwise physical activity, and I do not take pain medications.

On Saturday, continuing the "cleaning out" process in my apartment, I chanced upon one of last year's Christmas gifts. My niece M had made a handmade pillow for each member of the family. It is flannel and rectangular, stuffed with rice. It is put in the microwave to be heated and then applied to whatever body part is in pain.

I found that this works. Fifteen minutes spent in my wing-backed chair with the heated pillow on my upper back provides about 90 minutes of pain relief. I am resorting to the pillow often during the day and before my morning and evening sitting practice.

Finding a way to treat this pain has somehow changed my attitude toward it. I find the pain less acceptable. When I hurt, I want to "fix it". This somehow feels a violation of spiritual principles. I want to sort this out inside.

Meanwhile, I'll enjoy some pain-free time.

Immigrating to Canada

2004-11-06T16:22:00.000-06:00

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it...always."~Mahatma Gandhi

Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.
[paraphrased]--Buddha

I, like many other liberal Americans, have been considering immigrating to Canada. It is more to the left politically, and their elections have never been co-opted with fraud. I could not enter as a "skillful worker", as I am unable to work. My only chance would be to marry a Canadian, which is also not possible. Therefore, I am going to read more about Canada and see what life lessons I can learn from their government. I'll put the Toronto Star up as my homepage. I will then set about minimizing my self-identity as an American.

Canadian authorities have reported a six-fold increase in hits to their immigration website since the election. They also have indicated that political feelings of Democrats would not be a factor in qualifying one as an immigrant. However, if Bushites start executing liberals, they will consider giving refugee status.

Live Life Where Your Heart Is

2004-11-05T16:15:00.000-06:00

Animated Stardust (linked here) found this sentence during a delightful bookshop-browsing session in Wales: Live Life where your heart is.

I realized that I am living where my heart is. I am living in a home and a condominium community that I love. Because I have given of myself to them, I receive a great deal of kindness in return.

My life has been "place stable". I haven't felt the need to change where I live for the past 17 years. I somehow have always known that fulfillment and pleasure exist in going inside myself rather than changing physical location.

For the first time, I realized that there are great blessings in my physical infirmities, as well as pain. I have the blessing of being distant from the demands of the world to "produce". Having no pressure from schedules or clocks, I can follow my own internal timing.

The mental freedom has been most incredible. I have the time to read and write what I want. I have been able to launch upon new spiritual voyages and experience landings in strange harbors. Blogging has allowed me to dip into the minds and hearts of others, some of whom I am beginning to consider "mental friends".

Only I can limit what my heart and spirit are able to become. Though a troubled body was required for me to experience this mental freedom, it seems a small price to pay.

The Next Four Years

2004-11-04T15:39:00.000-06:00

I believe there was election fraud, but without a paper trail there is no way to even look at the results. Thankfully, Minnesota voted strongly for Kerry. At least I know I am surrounded by more of my political friends than Bushites.

For the next four years I will live as I have the last four. I will feel no personal loyalty to the government, deep personal loyalty to my country and liberal values. I will concentrate my concern on those I care for and those who have been, and will be, hurt or neglected by the Federal government.

At the Polls

2004-11-02T19:12:00.000-06:00

I was fortunate today to be able to vote from my car at the curb in front of my precinct poll. This was possible because I have a handicapped parking permit. The procedure is interesting. S rode with me to vote. She then told one of the officials that a curbside vote was outside. The official came out to see who I was and to have me complete a voting certificate. He told me he would be back with a ballot for me to use, and I would complete it in the presence of two election judges, one from each party.

I began to worry slightly. Hmm, they could foist two Republicans on me. Luckily, the second judge was my Red Hat friend N, and I KNOW she is a Democrat. We shared a hug, and I completed my form.

It was a very easy way to do my voting and avoided a long wait in line with my walker.

Now, a polarized country waits. No matter what the decision, I fear we will be waiting for quite a while. No matter what the decision, we will continue to be polarized.

I am doing sitting practice rather than watching the brouhaha on TV.

I'm Voting for John Kerry

2004-11-01T16:00:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I will be casting my vote for John Kerry.

America is moving on a course that can only lead to the destruction of the principles on which it was founded. The Jeffersonian ideal of a democracy for the common man has been transformed into an oligarchy controlled by corporations, the military and reactionary political leaders.

Our individual rights have been undermined. Under the guise of the "Patriot" Act, our individual medical records can be freely accessed by the Federal government. More and more "ordinary" people are slipping below the poverty level or otherwise struggling due to a poor job market and outsourcing of jobs overseas. Corporations now consider stockholders' profits first, with only minimal concern for their employees.

On an international level, we have wasted the almost universal goodwill we had after 9/11. Iraq was not involved in the World Trade Center disaster. What other purpose did invading Iraq serve? Assisting the oil companies, of course. I DO support our troops. I support their right to come home to their loved ones and their ordinary lives. Even the e-mails they send from the war zones are censored, so we can only imagine how miserable and disillusioned they must be. Bush is so hated by the rest of the world, except some folks in Britain, that he has no chance of ending this war. Kerry, on the other hand, does not have the baggage of four years of Bush's jingoistic nationalism. I believe he will find the solution.

I recall the major speech President Eisenhower made just before leaving office. When asked what the greatest threat facing America was, he replied, "The growing strength of the military/industrial complex". We have Bush leading the military, with the way paved by Haliburton.

We have been known as the "Ugly Americans" for decades. Now we are creating whole generations of terrorists who will feel a sacred duty to attack us. This will mean an increasing loss of our civil rights in the coming years.

And in a much larger way, I seek a more cooperative nation that cares for the human needs of the common man. I seek a nation where people respectfully listen to each other instead of shout and threaten. I seek a nation where the qualities of discussion, empathy and compromise replace saber-rattling, domination and "my way or the highway".

I, as well as millions of others, are visualizing Kerry's victory, the celebration and Kerry's taking office in January, 2005. We also see the troops coming home, medication costs reduced, outsourcers penalized and a balanced budget. We see an America that is no longer a bully and would never engage in a pre-emptive war.

Kaleidoscope

2004-10-31T16:29:00.000-06:00

When you look into a kaleidoscope, each slight turn brings a new, beautiful pattern into existence. Another slight turn, and the former pattern is gone, never to be seen again.

Is this not a mirror of the wheel of life? Each moment has its own existence, its own reality. Then it is gone, replaced by another moment. Finding peace involves appreciating each moment, then letting it go without regret.

Thus the moments pass, birth to death, when the spirit continues on without the hindrance of the body, eternally moment to moment.

Cleaning Out

2004-10-04T18:30:00.000-05:00

The Wisdom of Age

There is a wisdom
that comes with age.

The experiences
of my life
are uniquely mine.

I have learned much
that enriches
my daily life.

Today I will treasure
my inner wisdom.

I will allow it
to grow broader
and deeper.

- Pat Corrick Hinton, Time to Become Myself

I am decluttering and cleaning out my apartment, using the principle of "keep only what you love or actually will use in the future". I am currently working on my kitchen, sorting, pitching and cleaning.

In doing this, I am reclaiming my space. This is internally rewarding. However, it has made me face some disconcerting realities. For instance, I was considering which kitchen equipment and containers to keep or to discard. I will never do any more marathon cookie-baking sessions. Out goes the huge cookie jar and two of my four baking sheets. I will never need four large serving platters again. Which two should I keep? There is some sadness in this, as it means internally letting go of activities which have been a part of my life.

I opened my heart to further embrace my life and its realities. In cleaning out and letting go, I make room for greater clarity of mind and loving acceptance of myself.

Animal Lovers All

2004-10-01T20:05:00.000-05:00

I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace.
--Diane Ackerman

via Kathryn Petro, A Mindful Life

I have been fortunate to live in my condominium community for 17 years. The essence of the neighborliness we share exists in individuals' love for their companion animals.

Last week, a newer resident was out looking for her cockatoo, Maggie, who had inadvertently been given an escape route through an open balcony door. The word spread, and 18 neighbors were soon gathered in the courtyard to search for the woman's beloved pet. As darkness began to fall, all held flashlights, poring through the leafery, with towels handy in the event the bird was spotted on the ground. Alas, it was not to be found.

Early the following morning, the owner reported hearing Maggie's distinctive call. Everyone who did not have work obligations resumed the search, with some newcomers joining the group.
Again, no luck.

Maggie's story ended that evening. It became colder and very windy, and a bedraggled Maggie was found dead on the sidewalk.

This incident touched my heart. Even though most of us have cats and/or dogs, and though very few knew this woman, we rallied around to try to save this human/animal relationship.

I live in a good space.

Touching Ground

2004-09-14T19:55:00.000-05:00

Tonight I watched a PBS documentary on the last flight of Amelia Earhart, whose plane vanished in her 1937 attempt to circumnavigate the globe by air. She ran low on gas while aiming for Howland Island, which lies in the Pacific between Australia and Hawaii.

Prior to this leg of their 27,000 mile trip, she had begun having some disputes with the navigator who accompanied her. She had occasionally overridden his decisions. Navigational maps of remote areas of the world were often inaccurate. Navigators of that time were told not to aim at the larger of two targets, but to fly between two targets. That way, they would see one on their right and one on their left, maximizing their chance of a safe landing. Her radio transmissions recorded her repeated attempts to find Howland Island, not mentioning the smaller island nearby. It would appear that she had once again taken navigation into her own hands.

I think I see one of life's lessons here. One can sharply define a life goal, continue attempting to reach it precisely and "crash land". Alternatively, one can choose a goal and move in that direction while not ignoring other chances for a successful landing.

What Ails Me

2004-09-13T13:54:00.000-05:00

I originally intended to leave out medical diagnoses and details on this site, focusing instead on my mental and spiritual life. At this time I realize the omission is starting to feel a little like having a gorilla sitting in the living room, and no-one is mentioning it. So, here are some of the details.

1. Hyperkyphoscoliosis. I have spinal curvatures in both the upper and lower back. My upper curve is 90 degrees, where normal is 30. Below my waist, I have a side-to-side curve of 65 degrees, where there should be none. I have chronic low back pain and often quite severe upper back pain. This has also caused me to shrink from 4',11", the tallest I ever was, to 4',7". This is a progressive condition. I am not a candidate for surgery to correct this.

2. Osteoporosis, with quite a bit of bone loss. In my case, response to medications has been poor. I have to try my best to avoid falls and getting bumped into by others.

3. Tardive dyskinesia. This was a reaction to taking an antidpressant in the past. I have balance problems, involuntary movements, muscle spasticity and tremors. This will not improve, but it probably will not worsen. It makes coping with Nos. 1 and 2 more difficult.

4. Cardiac arrhythmia

5. Mild COPD.

I walk without assistance inside my home. Outside, I use a quad cane, a walker or a wheelchair. I have not had to fight with myself to use these. I focus on doing what I want to do, rather than the appliances I need. It's a part of my acceptance and staying in the present.

The specialists treating me are about the best in their fields.

I do not appreciate being pitied, but I am very appreciative of all the kind strangers who offer physical assistance when I'm out. I'm "okay" with asking for help when I need it. Most people want to help others, and in my mind, I'm giving them a chance for that little warm pulse of the heart.

Now you know more about the body that accompanies me on my path.

Labyrinth Meditation - (Cont.)

2004-09-12T15:33:00.000-05:00

The following day, I went to the labyrinth at Hennepin Ave. UMC. It is set up in their Art Room, a very large, temperature-controlled area that contained many paintings I had seen before at The Walker Art Center. The labyrinth itself is patterned after the one at Chartres Cathedral, with eleven circuits. I was alone in the room. I composed myself and started in.

I found that my walker didn't make turns too well on the canvas, making it hard to "stay inside the lines". But I decided not to judge how I was doing it, because there is no one "right" way. I realized that I could trust the path, because it had been walked by so many before me in so many places. I can trust my own path, because it has integrity. In the center, I sat in my walker (it has a seat) and felt comfort in my soul. I can trust the "me of me" to complete my path in this body, which is much different than before.

On the way out I began to tire, but I kept to my pace, just trusting the path, staying away from wondering how much further I had to go and coming back to the present. Unexpectedly, I was at the entrance/exit. I sat for a few minutes to thank the Universal Mind. I signed the labyrinth journal, thanking the church for the experience and for having such an accessible building -- buttons to open doors, ramps, elevators, the works.

I plan to go back soon, perhaps when I have a question to ponder.

Both comments to yesterday's post were helpful. Thank you very much.

What I'm Discovering in Blogging

Of course it's addicting, but we all know that!

I'm finding that it's helping me focus both my writing and my thinking. First, I am trying to write with clarity, use an economy of words and review and refine what I've written before posting. Second, the thought of the upcoming post makes me more mentally alert to what I'm doing or thinking, so I will have content to use. Is this what I want to put "out there"?

This is a much different way than I write my offline journal, which is more emotional, free-flowing and uncritical.

This feels like a very powerful potential duo.

Labyrinth Meditation

2004-09-11T13:04:00.000-05:00

"If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you." -- Louis D. Brandeis

A couple of weeks ago, I experienced my first labyrinth meditation. I had intended to walk the outdoor grass labyrinth at the College of St. Catherine in St. Paul. I had asked a neighbor, Judith, to go with me on the spur of the moment. She enjoys new spiritual experiences and is a person okay with spontaneous invitations. I had never seen this beautiful campus before. Flowers and trees were everywhere. As it happened, I couldn't navigate the uneven ground of the labyrinth with my walker and do anything mentally except worry about where to place my feet next. Judith did walk it, while I sat reading the labyrinth journal. It was in a plastic bin under the bench adjacent to the labyrinth. Some folks have had some pretty profound experiences there. Judith came back saying that something had happened in her mind and soul.
After I returned home, I found the website for The Labyrinth Society. It not only provides a good deal of information about the history of labyrinths and suggestions for meditative walks, but also has a labyrinth locator. There are 51 in Minnesota, mostly on private property and outside. I did discover that Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church in downtown Minneapolis puts up a canvas labyrinth every Thursday from 3 to 9 p.m. (I'll continue this entry tomorrow, as it may get too long here.)

http://www.labyrinthsociety.org/

In Memoriam, 9/11/2001

The lost are still lost, and human hatred for each other continues to grow stronger.

The Red Hat Society Phenomenon

2004-09-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

As a Red Hatter, I've come to understand some reasons why red hats are proliferating everywhere.

First, a little history. RHS was started in 1998, by one woman giving her friend a red hat for her 50th birthday. This comes from the comic poem, which begins, "When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple, with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me". Pretty soon, chapters were being organized. It has spread around the globe, and it appears it will remain a cultural landmark.

The chapters have no purpose, other than social. The only rule is you have to be over 50, wear a red had and purple clothes. There is a vast pool of women to recruit from, as the first baby boomers turned 50 in 1996. As always, we are the figurative rabbit going through the python, affecting society in all aspects as we pass the lifespan benchmarks.

Personally, there is a very real sense of empowerment in venturing out with friends who are obviously feeling good about being mature women. We laugh, joke, get a little bawdy and eat good food. Most people smile at us, and there are always conversations with others. "My Mom's a Red Hatter in Cincinnati." "Where can I find a chapter?" And, more rarely, "What's with the red hats?" (Most everyone knows by now.) My own chapeau is bright red, with a wide brim and red feathers fluffing out from the crown. My favorite purple shirt proclaims "Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History". For me, this is a reminder that this fragile frame contains the same wild woman from the 60's who did civil rights and anti-war protests, as well as other delights of the 60's.

When a younger woman said to me, "I'm looking forward to 50", I knew we are starting to rewrite the stereotypes.

Older women have been long devalued in our culture, largely ignored and left to creep around the walls of life. No longer! We're here and we're RED! Give us a hand!

www.redhatsociety.com

Passing the blogging on

I spent some time this afternoon with a new friend of mine, getting her set up with her own blogspot site. I felt somewhat of an evangelist. She had the same reaction as I did. "Wow, all this is out there! And I never knew!"

From Macro to Micro and Back

2004-09-09T15:29:00.000-05:00

"What lies before us
and what lies behind us
are small matters
compared to what lies within us.
And when we bring
what is within us
out into the world,
miracles happen.
- Henry David Thoreau

I had pool therapy today at Courage Center here in Golden Valley. It is a place of encouragement, as the "I can" atmosphere is almost palpable. I mentioned to the therapist that I'm really thirsty after every pool session. She said that heavy chlorination can get under your skin, leach out some other chemicals and stimulate thirst. So that's the cause!

Jumping around here....

A kitchen tip I discovered

I think a lot of people, like me, are always a little startled by the yeasty explosion made when opening a tube of Pillsbury's refrigerated biscuits. I always jump. But I found out that, if you remove the outer paper strip, then just let the tube remain on the baking sheet, the warmth of the room will pop it open on its own in about 3 minutes. So, you can be somewhere not too close, and it won't be so loud.

Fall must be here

My cat, Jenny, is now demanding to be covered up when napping, sending forth loud meows from my bed. She is also back to sleeping on the vent on my PC monitor -- I know that's not good for the PC, but cats DO rule.

On to world history and reality

My No. 1 brother and myself talk every day...it's good for both of us. The day before last, we started talking about the varying nations that have dominated the world and imposed their will on other nations. I won't try to get them in order, but look at the Phoenicians, Egyptians, Greeks and Romans, and winding down to Spain, France and England. America was not even a noted power in the world until about 1900 and did not gain dominance until the Second World War. Dominance has shifted from one nation to another more and more rapidly throughout history. We discussed that China is a likely prospect for the next behemoth. I wonder how many Americans realize that their days as "top dog" are numbered? Perhaps this would modify our bullying stance in the world.

Getting Started

2004-09-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

I was only introduced to the blogging world a couple of weeks ago. Somehow the idea of putting parts of myself into the indefinite "out there" is appealing. These are some themes which I expect will crop up again and again:

Trying to live a mindful life, staying in the moment

Coping with my medical conditions, pain and mobility problems through radical acceptance

Old friends

New adventures, both mental and physical

Occasional rantings and ravings of a very liberal Democrat (and proud of it!)

New ideas for easy meals and kitchen tips

Excursions with my Red Hat Society chapter

My "mission" of supporting Caringbridge children online

Inserts of material from sites on meditation and Buddhism

Next time, I'll start in earnest.